Canada’s Wonderland

Visited: July 29, 2023

Attending: Brian and a bunch of Buzzed Bars: Marcus, Zoe (Marcus’ daughter), Tom, Kelli, Marc, Meg, Allison, Mullet, Joey, Bryant, Tyler

When I was first considering my plan for the post-conference, I thought I might go by Kings Island and see if Allison and Mullet were around to join me. As it happens, they’d decided to join a group heading to Canada’s Wonderland that day. Since that was my Plan B anyway, I asked to be included.

Wonderland is interesting because it seems like a top-tier Cedar Fair park in some ways. It has a large number of coasters, some of which are impressive new additions. It’s also got an impressive Main Street modeled after Kings Island and Kings Dominion, but instead of an Eiffel Tower, it has a giant fake mountain instead. Although it’s a large park, it’s still doable in one day. It’s probably not much bigger than Carowinds. It also becomes quickly clear that the large coaster count is partially the result of a monumental amount of trash coasters with small footprints. It makes cred-running a challenge, but on subsequent visits, you can skip the garbage. That’s what Marcus mostly did, although many of us were cred-running.

I wasn’t staying with the rest of the group, so I arrived a bit before opening. Unfortunately, it was pouring rain at that time, to the point where I didn’t want to venture into the park. I sheltered in the gift shop for an hour while I waited for the others to arrive. Then we just went out into the rain, because we’re enthusiasts. Most of the coasters were running, and the rain did lessen throughout the morning. By late afternoon, it was sunny and pleasant, which unfortunately brought out the crowds. The promised mugginess never appeared, so I spent most of the day being a bit cold and damp.

Wonder Mountain’s Guardian

This only barely qualifies as a coaster. I’m not entirely sure how to feel about it myself. It has a lift hill, then a little drop, then a turn, and then suddenly you’re riding a shooting dark ride with screens and stuff. But that doesn’t last very long either, because the track takes you into a round room, there’s a bit more shooting, and then surprise! It’s a drop track. And then you’re done. I didn’t know much about the coaster going in, except vague memories of a dark-ride portion, but Marc gave me a hint as we sat down, so I was pretty sure there was a drop track and where it would be. Which I think was a good thing on the whole. I did terribly at the shooty game, and other than that, there wasn’t much to say. We primarily did this one first because the queue and half the ride are indoors.

Bat

Canada’s Wonderland has a number of coasters with names that I find perplexing, although I’m the only one who seems to find them so. The Bat is a Vekoma Boomerang, just a standard model, with nothing bat-like about it. We went over there next to get it out of the way while it was still raining, because Boomerangs tend to have long queues. Marc and I were at the back of the group, so we got separated from our full-train takeover. As a result, that meant we were in the front car on the next run. I don’t think I’ve ever done the front car of a boomerang before, although I’ve done the back. Which is more or less the same thing, just at different points in the ride. The train is so long that at either end, the forces get strange: you get a sudden burst of acceleration when you’re at the bottom of the vertical loop, for example. Other than that, it’s just a boomerang, although the setting is maybe a little nicer than most.

At this point, the group went over to Leviathan, which is admittedly the biggest draw in the park. However, it was still raining too hard for me to be comfortable riding at giga-coaster speeds, so I decided to sit out until later. According to several group members, I made the right call.

Dragon Fyre

Dragon Fyre has nothing to do with Drachen Fire, except that they’re both Arrows. This is one of the typical old Arrow loopers found at many parks around the country. This model has two vertical loops back-to-back, and then the standard double corkscrew. It’s only 78 feet tall, and the layout is a simple oval, mostly. There’s no theming of any kind, and it sits in a grass field by the parking lot; it’s fairly unimaginative as Arrow loopers go. It’s also terrible. I didn’t really care about my position in the train because this model can be unkind, and it still managed to beat me up. The loops were crushing, the turnaround was janky, the corkscrews were worse, and there’s a completely pointless mid-course brake run before a very rough helix and the final brakes. I know Arrows can be janky, but this was unusually bad. I’m pretty sure it’s worse than Anaconda, my previous record-holder for terrible Arrows. I knew there was some garbage at this park, but I didn’t expect this to be one.

Then we took a lunch break. The food hall was quite pleasant and well decorated. Most importantly, it was indoors and warm. So that was a good thing. After that, we kind of split off to do different things.

Vortex

Vortex, again, is no relation to any other Cedar Fair coasters named Vortex. In fact, it’s an Arrow suspended coaster, some of which have been named “Bat,” but whatever. I had no idea there were any suspended models remaining, outside of the three in the US. I’ve ridden those three, and found them anywhere from “dull” to “kinda good,” so I wasn’t prepared for this one. I took a back row seat for the heck of it, which may have made a difference. The lift ascends the fake mountain in the center of the park, turns, and then drops off of it. That was my first surprise, because I got a pop of airtime, which I didn’t even think was possible on this model. What follows is the standard swoops and dives of a suspended coaster, but much more forceful than I’d experienced before. On every turn, all the cars were swinging straight out to 90 degrees, and I think would have gone further if the design would have allowed it. It’s so fast that it’s over almost before you know it. The final brake is like hitting a wall, and there’s still so much lateral force that our car swung to its maximum on the brake run. It’s frankly astonishing, and makes you wonder if the other versions could run like this. It was definitely the biggest surprise of the trip for most of us, and possibly the best coaster in the park after the three B&Ms.

Wilde Beast

This is a wooden coaster near Leviathan, so we did that just because it was nearby. It’s a late-era PTC, one of two that opened with the park. It’s apparently a copy of the Wildcat coaster that used to be at Coney Island, but I don’t know anything about that. It’s apparently also the same layout as Grizzly at Kings Dominion, but without the forest. It’s fine, I guess. I don’t remember much specifically about it.

Flight Deck

This coaster is a Vekoma Suspended Looping Coaster (SLC), a type that’s famously rough and generally disliked by enthusiasts. I’d just ridden one the day before, and it wasn’t too bad, so I had hope for this iteration. Oh, I was wrong about that. Somehow, the restraints on this one were more restrictive than those on Thunderhawk, even scraping my ears as I lowered them. I don’t know why that is, but I was unable to escape the headbanging. So most of the ride was spent in a defensive hunch, trying to keep my head safe. Worst of all, after the brake run, the train makes a right turn into the station, which was sharp enough to deliver one last whack, even when I thought I was safe. I’ve only ridden a few of these, but this is by far my least favorite.

Time Warp

Time Warp was the coaster I was most curious about for this trip. It’s a Zamperla Volare, a “flying” coaster, but one with an absolutely terrible reputation. You enter by climbing a ladder into the car, putting your head between two pads, and grabbing some handles. Then a cage closes over your back (but you can’t feel it at all), and the car raises into a flying-ish position. It has a spiral lift hill, which is interesting, and space-saving. The very first drop is head-first, and does create a bit of flying sensation, but it’s much too brief for enjoyment. The subsequent turns are too tight, and the inversions are just strange. They’re far too slow to have any centrifugal force, so you’re forced to hang on to the handles and brace as you go through. There’s a padded chin-rest, but my shoulders and neck are strong enough that I was able to stay off it the whole time, which I think helped. In fact, the ladder becomes a foot-brace while you’re riding, so between that and the handles, I was able to stay “planked” for most of the ride. Still, one shouldn’t have to brace that hard on a roller coaster. I found it to be not as bad as I feared, not at all the worst in the park. Some of my colleagues didn’t agree, though.

Behemoth

Poor Behemoth suffers the same fate as Intimidator at Carowinds: It’s a decent B&M hyper in the same park as a giga, so it gets overlooked. Also like Intimidator, it’s a straight out-and-back, without any of the turns that Nitro or Goliath have. So the first couple of camelbacks rewarded us with very nice floater airtime, which made me happy. The hammerhead turnaround is the tightest I’ve ever seen, and carried some strong positive g’s. The way back should have been more magnificent camelbacks, but the first one had a trim that sucked all the speed out. As a result, for several hills in a row, there was no air at all. After the mid-course and a forceful helix, there are some bunny hills that regained the air, but that bit in the middle left a sour taste in my mouth. I’d like to give it another try without the trims hitting so hard, because I think I could really like this one.

Backlot Stunt Coaster

We continued with our cred-running with Backlot Stunt Coaster, which is identical to the coasters of the same name at Kings Island and Kings Dominion, both of which we’d all ridden. Unlike the Kings Island version, the special effects were turned off, so there were no references to The Italian Job other than the layout itself. With the effects, it’s a pretty good coaster. Without them, well, the launch and the initial helix are pretty good, and the rest is just meh. As always happens, we waited far too long for this.

Mighty Canadian Minebuster

None of us were looking forward to this. It’s a wooden coaster that opened with the park, like Wilde Beast, but for some reason, this one has aged very poorly. Joey and I made the mistake of riding on a wheel seat, which we’d been warned about, but I honestly forgot. As a result, I ended up with one of the most painful coaster experiences I’ve ever had. The hammering started with the first drop, and never let up, just banging all the way through. I felt a headache develop halfway through, and from that point I was just hoping it would end. Maybe it’s my fault for grabbing the wrong seat, but this was by far the most unpleasant coaster in the park for me, if not in my entire life. I’d really rather avoid this in the future.

Yukon Striker

This is the newest coaster in the park, a very tall B&M dive model. I’ve ridden a few of these, and never been too impressed by them; they’re basically one-trick ponies. This one, though, did the one trick better than I’ve experienced. It’s one of the few models with a true vertical drop, and I could really feel it. Even from the back row, there was a definite sense of freefall, rather than riding on rails. I could feel when the wheels re-engaged, or so I thought. The tunnel was a nice addition, as I think all dive coasters should go underground, but few do. The subsequent elements were pretty good as well, better than the standard dive loop / zero-g roll combo that most of them have. It had a good turn of speed at this time of day too. On the whole, it was more enjoyable than I expected for a dive coaster, and I’m glad I waited for it.

Leviathan

At this point, there wasn’t much left to ride, except for some kiddie coasters and a wild mouse, all of which I skipped. However, I still hadn’t gotten my ride on Leviathan, and I was getting antsy about it. The rain had stopped, and the sky was looking gorgeous, so the lines were increasing in length, which was bad. However, the crew joined me for this one, as none of us need much incentive to ride a giga. The line was about half an hour, and unfortunately the grouper put us in the middle and didn’t want to be persuaded otherwise. It’s not a straight out-and-back, because there’s no room for that. Instead, it’s got really tall banked turns, much like Fury does. There are still several big camelbacks, all of which provide good air, but not much suggesting low-to-the-ground speed. And sadly, it’s too short. You think you’re hitting a mid-course, and then it’s over. I knew it wouldn’t be better than Fury, but it somehow feels like Fury in a way that Orion doesn’t. Something about Orion’s layout makes it feel like a tall hyper instead of a giga. Leviathan is obviously the prototype that led to Fury; it’s written all over the layout and the experience. I’d absolutely ride it again, and it’s certainly the best ride in the park.

Unfortunately, the line for Leviathan discouraged further riding. Even though it was only around 7pm at this point, the sun wasn’t even close to setting, this far north. And most of us planned to do something on Sunday, so we all left around this point. The final verdict: there’s a lot of junk in this park. Leviathan and Behemoth are the stars, pretty much what I expected, Yukon Striker was a pleasant surprise, and Vortex was completely out of left field. The rest of it, I’d be happy to never ride again. Getting RMC to work their magic on Minebuster would be a huge boost to the park; it’s not like they don’t have another old woodie to spare. It’ll probably be hard for me to get back up here again, but I wouldn’t say no.