Castles-n-Coasters

Visited: May 23, 2025

Attending: Just Brian

Since Mattel Adventure Park isn’t open yet, the only decent coasters worth riding (I use that term loosely) are at Castles-n-Coasters, essentially a family entertainment center on steroids. They’ve got a big arcade, four different mini-golf courses, and a handful of rides, which are more than can really fit in such a small space. The appeal for me was that both coasters at the park are from Hopkins, and since Hopkins only ever built seven, with four still operating, that seemed like a rare get. However, Hopkins coasters are known for being a tad eccentric, so I was curious about that.

Most of the center is open all day, but the coasters only open at 5pm on weekdays. Fortunately, I had other touristy stuff to do that day, so I arrived at the park just after 5. The heat was extreme that day, somewhere around 104, and I hoped that the temperature might have dropped in the evening. Unfortunately, there isn’t really any significant cooling until well after dark. I foolishly paid for an “extreme pass,” which includes unlimited rides, a round of mini-golf, and an hour of unlimited arcade games. I decided to use my arcade hour first, to allow things to cool off a bit. Sadly, the games weren’t as much fun as I’d hoped, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about.

Patriot

The larger of the two coasters seemed to be having some issues, so I went to visit Patriot, once I was able to find it. The stats for Patriot aren’t impressive; maybe 45 feet high. It’s definitely a family coaster, and on the tame end of those. It’s also short, but to compensate, it goes around twice for each cycle. When I got there, there were a handful of people riding at the front, but no line at all, so I hopped in the back car. I wish there was something to report, but there really isn’t. There’s a curved drop, and a helix with maybe a hint of forces, but that’s about all. Since it goes around twice, I really couldn’t see any point in riding again.

Desert Storm

Although this coaster’s name betrays its early-90s origins, there’s nothing about military action in the theming; the trains are vaguely Arabian and sparkly, and the track is white with green supports. This thing is really tightly wound up inside the park, with an elevated station, so most of the track doesn’t come near the ground. There’s a twisted drop, because it has no other choice, and a couple of vertical loops. These loops are…kinda funky. Even looking at them from off-ride, you can see they’re not the right shape. They’re too round, not clothoid, and the exit is at a different elevation than the entrance. They’re also really wide, but you have to be standing right under them to notice. The train is long, and I didn’t go for the very last car, but I was toward the back. There was a distinct sense of getting yanked through the second half of each loop; I can only imagine what it’s like in the back car. There’s also a weird upward helix for some reason. The track goes through the loops, which is kinda fun, and not something you see too often anymore. And that’s about it.

Given what I’d paid, I thought about a second ride, but I learned that the ops were giving it several minutes to cool down between cycles, so that the motor wouldn’t overheat. It didn’t really affect operations too much, as there were nowhere near enough riders to fill a train. But I didn’t really feel like hanging around.

I thought about mini-golf, since I’d paid for it, but it was still remarkably hot, even though the golf was in the shade. I didn’t see anyone actually golfing, and I couldn’t talk myself into playing mini-golf by myself, so I just left. I can’t really call it a disappointing experience, because my expectations were very low, but it certainly wasn’t much to celebrate.