Five Hundred Ways to Leave Your Lover

Classic Doctors, New Monsters #5.4

Released: 21 January 2025

Listened: 4/15/26

This story pits the Eighth Doctor against the Monks from "The Pyramid at the End of the World." If you've forgotten their deal (and I had), they like to use virtual environments, and can only invade planets with the consent of specific individuals. But none of that is clear at first, because we're dropped in on the Doctor visiting various tourist spots with some guy named Chris, who believes he's romantically involved with the Doctor. Except that Chris wants to break up with the Doctor; possibly because their lives seem to be in danger wherever they go. And since they never stop long enough to breathe, Chris never actually manages to get the words out. It's more or less a romantic comedy, or the Doctor Who version of one. The Doctor seems to be trying his absolute best to keep Chris both calm and distracted, and it's really kind of sweet. But Chris can tell something is wrong and gets steadily more upset as the story goes. In worldbuilding terms, this may be an early part of the Monks' story, showing how they got their modus operandi. Lord knows the TV episodes didn't give us any motivation for them. And there's a decent reason why the Doctor won't remember them in a few regenerations; one you can see coming, but is fairly well handled nonetheless.